Whatcha textin bout Willis?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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