Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
