my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
