he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
