I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize