All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
