I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
