You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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