Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
