Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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