just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
