You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone signed my nipple.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
