I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
