We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
