at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
