omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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