dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
