Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
