Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
