Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
