I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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