Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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