Banned from zoo.
Again?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
