dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
