PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
