I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
