it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
