Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You have to summon your inner elephant
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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