she woke up with a sticky ear
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
