Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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