You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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