I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
