what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
