my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
