Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
