I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
