Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
