So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
