If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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