cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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