MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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