sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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