I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
