Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
