Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
