So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
