it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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