Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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