I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
