false alarm. still invincible.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize