and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
