You smell like stripper and shame
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
