I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
