In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
