And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
