I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize