also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
