Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
