she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
