yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
