her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
