It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
