So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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