yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
