so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The Olympian is in my bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
