I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
