So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
