You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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