Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
