doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
how does that bad decision feel?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
